Building Authentic Relationships

In a world where most interactions are mediated through institutions, algorithms, and artificial social norms, building genuine connections based on voluntary association and mutual value is both radical and essential. This page explores how to cultivate relationships—both one-on-one and within groups—that honor autonomy, create mutual benefit, and strengthen the network of freedom.

Getting to Know Someone

The foundation of any authentic relationship is genuine curiosity and honesty. The best way to help someone make a positive change as perceived by them and not your bias would be to get to know them as friends, and then figure out what they really want, and then see how what they're saying relates to that thing they want. If you're not being evil, you will come out successfully.

The way that you can avoid the most heartache is to be completely honest and to both be trying to make sure the other gets what they deserve fully. And is involved in that process. In concept and in goal. As my friend, you want me to find the perfect person for myself, and that you are interested in understanding how that is.

Time and Energy Boundaries

Everyone has to have an understanding of the larger network and the potential we have in this lifetime to create total anarchy. This shared understanding helps determine how we allocate our most precious resources: time and energy.

Directing Your Energy Wisely

The goal is to direct people away from us who are not working towards the ideal as fully. So they can have their own thing, but we won't be directing our manpower towards them preferentially. In this way, we direct our energy and attention away from those who are not trying to help others.

This isn't cruelty—it's honesty. You cannot pour your limited time and energy into everyone. We need to have people who we are bringing around and helping exclusively. Meaning when I give my mana and time to someone, I want it to be worth it.

Setting Value-Based Boundaries

How many ideals do we want them to share? You can decide how close you allow people based on their values, but there is only one general value we require and that is the non-aggression principle.

Beyond that core principle, concentric circles of trust naturally form based on:

• Shared understanding of the network's purpose
• Demonstrated commitment to mutual aid
• Track record of keeping agreements
• Alignment on key strategic approaches
• Reciprocity in the relationship

It is important to value the perspectives of those who have seen much, as they may see some risk others would not.

Community vs Individualism

The False Binary

Modern discourse often presents community and individualism as opposites. You're either a rugged individualist who needs no one, or a collectivist who subordinates self to group. This is false.

We need each other to survive and be happy. But we don't need to live so close that we're suffocating. Living too far removed from one another is way worse than being too close—isolation kills. The goal is interdependence, not independence or codependence.

Interdependence vs Codependence

Interdependence means we freely choose to work together because we're stronger together, while maintaining our autonomy and ability to act independently when needed.

Codependence means we cannot function without each other, creating unhealthy enmeshment and loss of individual agency.

It's good to be in contact with people consistently. Seeing their true nature, you can start honing in on the people on your side. The correct relationship between self-sufficiency and community is: be capable of independence, choose interdependence.

Individual Autonomy Within Community

If you don't have your own life on the convoy, you might try to control others' lives. Therefore, we all have our own life. We don't look for monetary help or a customer in our friend or neighbor.

Each person should have:

This isn't anti-community—it's pro-healthy community. When people come together from a place of wholeness rather than neediness, the relationships are stronger and more genuine.

The Importance and Danger of Family

It's so important to share importance with the people you're around, unless they are bringing you down. "Family"—whether biological or chosen—provides incredible strength and support. But it can also become a cage.

When Family Serves Freedom

• Provides mutual support during hardship
• Shares resources and knowledge
• Creates continuity and tradition
• Offers belonging without demanding conformity

When Family Undermines Freedom

• Demands conformity to outdated or harmful norms
• Uses guilt and obligation to control behavior
• Punishes independence or different choices
• Enables destructive patterns through misplaced loyalty

The network can become chosen family—but only if it remains voluntary. The moment it becomes obligatory, it ceases to be freeing.

The Anti-Politeness League

"Politeness" is often weaponized to silence truth and enforce conformity. The Anti-Politeness League doesn't advocate for rudeness—it advocates for honesty.

Authentic Politeness vs Toxic Politeness

Practicing Authentic Relating

Authentic relating means:

• Saying what you mean
• Meaning what you say
• Welcoming others to do the same
• Being okay with discomfort if it leads to truth
• Addressing issues directly rather than gossiping
• Accepting that some people won't like you—and that's okay

This creates a culture where problems can be solved quickly because they're addressed directly rather than festering beneath a veneer of false niceness.

Trust and Technology

The first step of becoming safe with another, in this day and age, is being able to trust their usage of their phone.

The Phone Addiction Question

"Are you addicted to your phone?" is an ironic question. If you were addicted to a tool, you would become massively productive unless you misused the tool and wasted your time with it. But if you are asking someone this question, you are probably referencing a hidden, ignored reality, which is that the person is misusing their phone and their time on the planet.

Building Digital Trust

In modern relationships, both personal and professional, digital hygiene matters:

• Can this person keep a confidence, or will they share everything online?
• Are they present with you, or constantly on their device?
• Do they understand operational security, or are they careless?
• Can they resist the dopamine of social media to focus on real work?

These aren't trivial concerns in a network that depends on discretion, trust, and actual productivity.

Conflict as Growth

Most people avoid conflict because they fear it will destroy relationships. But avoided conflict doesn't go away—it goes underground, where it festers and eventually explodes.

Productive Conflict

Healthy relationships—personal and communal—treat conflict as information:

• Someone's needs aren't being met
• A boundary has been crossed
• An agreement needs renegotiation
• Different visions need reconciliation
• Someone needs to leave

All of these are solvable if addressed directly. None are solvable if ignored.

Joining Forces

How do you join forces with others without losing yourself? How do you join everything together without creating fragility? How do you break through the isolation modern life imposes?

The Network Approach

Instead of trying to build one perfect community where everyone lives together, we build a network of autonomous individuals and small groups who:

This creates redundancy. If one relationship fails, you're not adrift. If one community dissolves, the network persists. If one person leaves, life continues.

Practical Relationship Wisdom

How to Join a New Circle

If my friends would accept that we could accept another person into our circle, how does that work? It requires:

1. Observation period - See how they act when no one is watching
2. Small commitments first - Test reliability with low-stakes agreements
3. Explicit conversation - Discuss values and expectations openly
4. Gradual integration - Inner circles are earned through demonstrated alignment
5. Universal veto - Anyone in the circle can raise concerns

When to Walk Away

Not every person is meant to be close to you. Some warning signs:

• Consistently taking more than they give
• Violating agreements without remorse
• Drama follows them everywhere
• They demand your time/resources as if entitled
• They don't share your core values
• Your gut consistently says something is wrong

It's not cruel to maintain boundaries. It's necessary. You cannot build freedom with people who are fundamentally opposed to it, no matter how charming they might be.

Building Rather Than Fixing

A common trap: trying to "fix" or "save" people who aren't asking for help. This leads to:

• Exhaustion from one-sided effort
• Resentment when they don't change
• Enabling of destructive patterns
• Neglect of your own growth

Better approach: Build with people who want to build. Offer help to those who ask for it. Let others live with the consequences of their choices. Your job isn't to rescue everyone—it's to build something beautiful with those who share your vision.

The Relationship Between Trust and Time

Trust isn't binary—it exists on a spectrum and develops over time. Different relationships require different levels of trust:

Problems arise when people are given trust appropriate to one level before they've earned it. And problems arise when people who have earned higher trust are kept at arm's length out of fear.

Creating Positive Vibes Without Toxic Positivity

There's a balance between maintaining positive energy and engaging in toxic positivity that ignores real problems.

Genuine Positivity:

• Focusing on solutions while acknowledging problems
• Celebrating wins without dismissing ongoing challenges
• Maintaining hope while being realistic
• Supporting others through difficulties without minimizing their pain

Toxic Positivity:

• "Good vibes only" that silences legitimate concerns
• Pretending everything is fine when it's not
• Shaming people for negative emotions
• Avoiding necessary difficult conversations

Real positivity comes from building something meaningful with people you trust, not from forcing smiles through gritted teeth.